Florianopoulis Carnivale Salsa PDF Print E-mail
South America - Brazil
Written by TK   
This is an interesting recipe I came across in Brazil recently.   It is a speciality of the Florianopoulis region down south.   
  Florianopoulis Carnivale Salsa (portuguese pronunciation Dooroonoopoolis Carrnevaal Salcha dont forget to roll your rrrr´s)   Ingredients:  
One samba song on repeat; 100 moving floats approximately 8 metres tall, with dancers; 10,000 Brazilian samba dancers dressed in elaborate costumes from 100 different samba schools; An audience of 20,000-30,000 Brazilians; One street party replete with 40 competing DJs playing the same music, 20,000 10-14 year old Brazilians kissing (each other, but not all at once), and 1,000 cops; 500 street vendors selling vodka and guarana; 10,000 cans of shaving cream; 4 portable loos; 1 makeshift drum band; 1 bus that runs on the half hour between 1am and 6am, except on the odd hours where it runs 10 minutes early and you only if you pre-purchase your ticket from a ticket office which is closed between 9am and 6am, and notwithstanding the 3.30am bus which runs half an hour late because of an all important toilet stop and hamburger stop for the driver; 20 security guards at bus stations protecting you from falling asleep on the bus-station benches whilst you wait for the bus; 2 drunk Australians (hard to come by and somewhat expensive, although watch out for a bargain in city bars between 3am and 6am); 5 Israelis; 6 Brazilians who cant speak English; 3 drunk welsh girls who answer to the name innit; 2 Swiss; 2 skinny Poms with bad skin and bad teeth; and
25 beautiful paradise-like beaches.   Directions:
  Blend the Australians, Israelis, Brazilians, Welsh, Swiss and Poms together at the one time.  Don´t worry if this is initially difficult, throw in some vodka, some dictionaries and most importantly some ¨nerdy translators¨ if the ingredients aren't blending satisfactorily.  If you find that Israel is dominating, throw in some Welsh and Australian banter to season it.
  Add the moving floats, the salsa dancers, the audience, the song and street vendors all at the same time. Quickly add some alcohol in (any variety) immediately afterwards.  Stand back, the blender will explode at this point.  Don't worry, this is quite normal.  You would too under the same circumstances.  Note:  Make sure the Australians don't mix with the samba dancers, the blender will jam.  Also, if you mix the Australians with any samba school, you will be electrocuted.     
  If the Poms are causing mayhem, throw in Fatboy Slim and some average looking Brazilian girls into the mix. That will distract them for some time (sometimes anything up to one year).
  Leave this to blend for approximately five hours, it will be well inebriated by then. 
  Add the street party, shaving cream and drum band and stand back.  At this point, the blender or the wooden spoon will not be required, the ingredients will be moving about by themselves.  By this time if the ingredients are starting to coagulate, throw in some hamburgers. 
Make sure that you don't mix the 10-14 year old Brazilians with the police.  There will be a danger that the police will spoil the whole mix.  Mixing the police with the tourists is ok, they won't have much to say too each other (not through lack of trying).
  Finally add the toilets to drain the mix, make sure you stand well back at this stage. 
  The mixture lasts for approximately 8 hours in total, and afterwards be sure to throw the mixture out it wont be worth having near you.  In fact, it is recommended that you place the mixture on any of the beaches scattered across the island once the mixture has spoiled.
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